dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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