my vag is so smooth its legendary
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
