I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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