I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
