someone owes me an orgasm
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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