Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
