Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
