I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
