I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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