It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
