You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
