guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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