dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
