TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
