You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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