just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
