we made out on top of his cat.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
