Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
