but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
