You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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