do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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