i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Shame is for Republicans.
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