Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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