New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
