Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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