Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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