remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
