He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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