Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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