Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
