does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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