If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
