Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
is wine microwaveable?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
