am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
