Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
