Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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