Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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