I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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