Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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