my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
