i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize