I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
MIDGETS
????
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
