Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
