Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
