Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize