My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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