I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
