is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
