Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
