Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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