Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize