Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
