haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
