You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
