She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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