I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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