Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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