Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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