I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
