How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
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