bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
