whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
