i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
