Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
