even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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