Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
