butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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