ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
