Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize