So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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