Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
