just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
