I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
