I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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