I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
