If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize