I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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