Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
