My first STD was from a foam party
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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