just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
