Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Duck Duck Cougar?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
