once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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