He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You are a genius and a whore.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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